Sahil - First Birthday

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Teringat tetiba..

Did I mentioned to you that not so recent ago, my real dad has been hospitalized, due to heart attack. When I first heard about this I was like ' hmm okay.. should I feel sad about it? macam tak dak perasaan la in away.

When people heard my first response, semua orang will think. Anak durhaka nya dia nih! or maybe, awat lagu tu cheq oit...

I have my own reason for this. First, I barely knew him, even though he is my biological father. I don't even have any single memory him being a father to me, since he left us when we are still young. I do remember, my 3rd brother like 2 months old like that. Since then, we lives on our own, with my mom, my late opah ,and aunties with us. So how do you expect to react to some one that you don't have any emotion intact with the person? I do feel sad and sympathy, but simpati macam kita dengar orang yang kita tak berapa kenal had their bad times. That's all.

This thing more towards  like some one can just come to you  and said " I am your father". Then you terus pose macam nak pengsan "Nooooooooo". Just like that la kan. haha

So, how do I react to this? I need some opinion. I heard he has been discharged, but dunno what is his condition after that. So, adakah perlu saya buat tidak tahu sajakah? Or how? 

Why I am a bit reluctant to see him? Coz I dun feel he likes me at all. Yeah, I can sense that when I was a kid. Till now. We had that mutual feelings of not liking each other. Can I say that? he he he. But true though. My aunties, mom, and all knows about this, when it comes to his favorite, it always his son.

2ndly, after that awkward meeting 5 years back with him. I am so not looking forward to see him. With his vulgar remarks about my mom, and his sister out of sudden talk about money and harta benda yang tak ada.(wth.. macam rupa pembolot harta kah daku ?).  But then again, he is still my father, even I don't see him, I always pray for Allah to forgive him. Should that be enough for now?

Monday, 15 July 2013

Salam Ramadhan and Happy Bday!

Alhamdulillah.. it is 7th day of Ramadhan, and last week on 11th July was my birthday! Happy 18th bday to me! hahaha ( I am seriously dun even remember how was my 18th Bday like)

1st of all, I am sangat-sangat bersyukur with what I have now. Good life, di berikan kesihatan yang baik, anak yang sihat dan comel, suami yang tersayang, and family who always there for me, esp my mama, and adik-adik tersayang, tak lupa jugak to babah. Nothing else you can asked for, except for continues happiness in our family life, and semoga di murah rezeki and diberkati dunia akhirat.

I am starting my Ramadhan with new resolution, and may Allah bless my journey to be a better muslim. Why I decided to take hijab seriously? I have been wanting to do long time ago, but I want it to do it slowly, and confidently. Meaning I want to do it with my full heart, and not some one force me to do it, but I need to understand it myself fully. My journey to made me realized about the beauty of being a good muslim started towards this ESQ session that I had previously 2 years before. Since then, I had quietly transforming myself internally, before decided to make the change.

 For all this while, I have been such a brat and not dedicated muslim. Dan banyak dah la kejahilan lampau yang dibuat, and yet Allah always give me chance and never neglected His servant, despite of me like that. What ever I have doa and pray to Him , he will grant it., and will give me what I have deserved, in very unique way. Like why I dun get what I have wanted, but He gave me with something much better and makes me appreciate it so much.

For example, my son. People knows how I was longing for a child to bright up our lives. And has been praying for it since my marriage. I pray with all the effort to have a baby, and at 1 point, I have giving it up, not because I don't trust in Him, but we have separated due to my hubby migration to Europe for new job. So, with that situation,  I met hubby every 6 months, and who have thought that God works His miracle that I have conceived my baby, during that short visit. Of course with the effort of taking care of my diet, and take some supplement to support my hormon imbalance problem. But who can deny it and tell its not part of the miracle. I remember in the Quran verse in Surah Yassin of saying Kun Fa ya Kun ((“Jadilah!” maka terjadilah ia”.)  Sesungguhnya keadaan-Nya apabila Dia menghendaki sesuatu hanyalah berkata kepadanya.

Eh.. ter ceramah lak di bulan Ramadhan nih. Yeah, I just want to share how I felt for all these while. Especially nowadays, every day I looked to my son ,feeling grateful and syukur sangat. Aku tidak lah sekaya mana, tapi setiap nikmat yang diberikan tu, sangat bernilai for me. Just to hear my son gigle and laughed loudly pun merupakan satu nikmat. Looking at him while he is asleep pon nikmat.  My son is already a gift to me, and I believed to each of my family. Its like God has wrapped this gift nicely, and put a ribbon to him and handed over to us.  So for this birthday, I wish that I will be better as a person, who loves her God, Rasul  and family. And wish me to have prosperous and great year ahead with more riqz from Allah. Thank you.

Thank you sayang!

Thank you Allah for this beautiful things in my life

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Hidup Segan Mati Tak Mau..

Adohai blog aku ni.. hidup segan mati tak mau je.. Sometimes it just so many things inside your head yang you nak story mori kan.. But end up berkubur camtu je..

First of all.. Ramadhan is coming.. excited tapi cam stress a bit sebab I think i sempat nak mengganti.. huhuhuhu.. Got like 4 days remain.. haih.. mana yang termampu lah nyeh.. (I have told myself that).. Jawab nya fidyah+ ganti lah nanti if tak sempat...

Secondly, we have survived the haze attack yang melanda Malaysia last few weeks.. memang kalu kat area Shah Alam/Subang ni dah considered hazardous dah.. with the IPU yang dah cecah 291.. hazab sangat.. sampai 1 tahap tetiba teringat kan citer2 hollywood about all this doomsday coming in.. and tetiba terasa some of the scenery cam sama lak.. (banyak sangat tibi ).  so bila mai hujan ..memang terasa sangat rahmat nya sampai sujud syukur mak hokay... he he he

View from Office.. tak nampak apa langsung!

And some small update about my lil' baby.. today his 9th months old. Happy 9th months sayang! I am soo happy to look at him grinned at me.. with his baru nak tumbuh sebatang gigi.. Sangat super active.. Kalu nak tukar nappies ke..tukar baju ke.. berhempas pulas mcm nk buat roti canai kekdah nya.. then dah feeling nk berjalan sangat.. takat menyusur all the way to bedroom and kat hall tu dah jadi his routine dah.. He loveeeesss to eat..and very adventurous..semua nak try.. hari tu dah ter makan pedas sekali.. terkulat- kulat muka tu..sambil nangis.. huhu.. sian anak ammi!

Happy 9th months!

Baru sebatang gigi shaye..
Okay uols.. thats all for now.. Hope I will rajin to update after this..