My Crappy Story..: Letter to my Sahil Put Put

It has been a while I haven't write anything about you. I am so sorry Sayang.. I know my sickness took a lot of things from you.. the full attention the care that you should get. I am caught up with all this sickness and work but believed me, there is not one bit I am not thinking about you Sayang Ammi.

I am consistently thinking of you, should I send you to school, or what I get you for your birthday, or should you stay with Papa, or Aunty Mona, if Ammi can't take care of you., or where I should bring you when I feel a bit better. Every. Single. Time. Only think about you.

Now you are almost 3 years old. In 2 weeks time. Should we have some big party for you? I don't know Sayang. Really. My worries if I don't do big party, I don't even know if I got the chance to it for you next time. But in the meantime, my health is not that permitted for me just to do anything. That need to be considered too. Or just buy you some big expensive stuff? Like tricycle maybe? He he.

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Nowadays, you have this weird smile, every time when you are a bit controlling about yourself

And I am so worried about you got caught up with tab/gadget, and sometimes Ammi had to be harsh on you. Don't be mad at Ammi.. Ammi just wants to make you see there are a lot of beautiful things outside, rather than the gadget. The good thing you learn a lot from gadget:. You learn colors, counting, ABC, all from there. You can sing a song, all from the children's rhyme on Youtube, You can even play sorting color yourself, which you learned from youtube. And smart enough to play all this games which I also wondered, how you know that button is for what? I am amazed sometimes. You know how to search 'Pocoyo', upin ipin or spiderman based on what? The history search? How do you know the exact pocoyo word?
And you can find his favorite video about this Toys thingy.. which I don't even know where to find.

The bad thing about this gadget is when you got too caught up with it and don't care with your environment. And its bad up to the level I have to feed you while you are watching youtube. Not good sayang.. not good.

And you have grown so much, become taller and taller. I guess it's from Papa's gene. But you are still very thin, and people always thought that I don't feed you a lot. The problem is, you hate MILK. The only milk that you want to have is the chocolate milk. And since you stop breastfeeding, your weight dropped. This gives me headache. I have to chase you around just to make sure you eat something at least. Ha ha. Yes, a lot of patience. But Ammi got to do what I have to do.

You have this habit sometimes when I closed the light and you started to climb on me and look at my face and kiss my forehead, or my cheek. I think just to be sure that I am asleep? Which makes me smile sometimes, and laughed too. Cause I try to hold myself from laughing at you. Another habit, you like to sing when before you go to sleep.. and sing until you fall asleep.

I always have you in my prayers. To have the opportunity to raise you to be a well being grown man, a great Moslem, with so much love to your Protector, your Prophet, and so much love & respect to your parents and family. I have asked for you before I had you. Now I asked Allah to give me the opportunity to be with you long enough. He is the Most Merciful, will always heard us, InshaAllah.

I will try to make you more independence, strong, grounded, and always grateful with what you have. So that when I am not around, you know how to survive in this world.

Me and Papa love you with all my heart, and no words can describe the love that we had for you, up to the level we named the company after you, Every single username, we put your name, even our wi-fi also is named after you. :D

So, remember this, every time you feeling down and sad, remember all the love that we had for you, all the good memories, and turn to Him whenever you feel down. Hope it will calm you a bit.

Love you so much..

AmmiSahil